What to do what to do!  I really think I’m getting to that point in my life where the future just isn’t as clear as it used to be.  Through high school and the past 2 years of college the next year didn’t really hold too many life questions.  I think what I’m trying to say is that there really was no guesswork. 

    OK, it’s kinda like this.  Life is like a diving board.  When you first start out theres a little rail of sorts to get you going in the right direction.  As you walk further out the rail ends but the board is still very sturdy.  Looking straight ahead all you really see at this point is the board in front of you.  You’re not quite at the point where you start to see the water below.  Eventually as you continue to walk out to the edge of the board it starts to bow and becomes a little less sturdy.  You take a few more steps and it bows enough to see the surface of the water.  Right now I think this is the point I’m at in life.  This is my third year in college and the end seems as if it’s right around the corner.  Not just the end of my 4 years of college but the end of a total of 16 years of education.  What do you do when the end is near?  I guess it’s not technically the end, just a new beginning, but where do I go from here.  At this point the initial rail is gone and the end of the board is fast approaching.  A big portion of what’s been guiding me along this  journey is about to end and the only person that can tell me how to dive into life is me.  The decisions are mine and the only way I will able to find out if I’ve made the right decisions today is to wait until tomorrow.  Life is full of risks and at this point it’s about to become a little more risky.  I have to remember though that I’ve made it all this way and things have always worked out for the best.  It is because of this that I know they will work out for the best in the future. 

    Yay for random vague ponderings!  Anyway, that’s really where I’m at. 

John

"this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose"

Ahhhh.  The week is coming to a close!  I really need to get organized.  I have shit everywhere and not a drop of organization.  I have plenty of stuff to do so I think I will spend this weekend trying to clear the clutter and nail down some schedules for the next few weeks.  Of course I will be doing that AFTER paintballing on Saturday.  That’s right the paintball season continues with our first outing this semester.  If you’re interested and didnt get invited just get a hold of me somehow and I can fill you in on the details.

Anyway.

This week went by better as planned.  On Tuesday I just wanted this week to be over.  The good things that came out of this week are as follows:

    After arguing with Sprint for hours on end on the phone and talking to I dont know how many people I finally got them to    
    send me a new phone.  Not just any phone though.  I now have a ton more features on my camera including flash and I also     have
    speakerphone now!  I know this may be boring but I was excited!

    Over the course of this week I’ve also been able to get a few tickets closed for work.  That’s always good because people
    are happy when they have their ResNet and I get paid!  Speaking of getting paid.  Just today I had to take this online ethics course    
    because I am officially an employee of the state.  As was to be expected it was rather boring, corny, and somewhat amusing at the same
    time.

    Random RA stuff thrown sprinkled into this week as well.  Had our first Website Committe meeting tonight.  It’s kind of fun    
    and at the same time frustrating listening to people throw out ideas that are way to complicated and redundant for        
    Residential Computing to even design for us.  All in all though it was rather productive.  Hopefully we’ll have a fully
    functional website by  December!

                                                                                          ** Note **

OK, so this post never really got finished.  I started this on Wednesday I believe and it’s been sitting on my computer just waiting to be finished.  The sad part about this is that this poor little post will never truly be finished.  It’s impossible to finish a Wednesday post 3 days later!  It just cannot be done.  So therefore I will ask you to observe a brief moment of silence as you continue on reading the rest of this randomness that I call my very own LiveJournal!
   

John

So classes start up again tomorrow.  I don’t really know where the weekend went but it’s definetly gone.  Oh well.  Anyway I’ve been staying up till 3 and sleeping in until 11:30 so I’m not really tired even though I have class at 9:35.  Since I’m not sleeping here comes some random babble….

Part 1
I realize that I’m not the only one that goes through these stages but I feel I must share my somewhat random thoughts.  There are times when I feel as if I have everything in control, everything planned out and making sense, I just know who I am and who I want to be.  Then there are other days where I question the thoughts and opinions I have and ask myself if I’m making the right decisions.  In a way this is a good thing.  It keeps me on my toes.  It keeps me wondering what will happen next and it keeps me from settling into a static state of being.  On the other hand I can’t stand going back and forth.  One minute I think I have every little piece of the puzzle exactly where it goes and then the next minute  someone in my life says, “Are you sure that’s how that goes, what if you look at it this way?”  Then I’m forced to rip the entire thing apart and start over.  I guess in the end its a good thing.  Some pieces won’t really belong and will get left in the box while others will be added to make a new puzzle.  I guess the biggest thing that bothers me is that there really is no box.  And if there is it’s missing that pretty picture they glue on there so that you have some idea how the pieces go together. 

At this point your thinking, “Hey that’s life deal with it!”  And I’m proud to say that I’ve already come to the realization that my life is one giant puzzle that I may never get put completely together.  I guess the problem is that it just makes it hard sometimes in life to not have that puzzle put together.  How is someone supposed to get to truly know you unless they know what that puzzle looks like completed.  Granted things in life are ever changing and people are not expected to stay the same throughout but it’s hard for someone to get to know you if you really aren’t sure who you are.

Part 2
Everyone’s heard the following statement at least once in their life, “Opposites attract.”  I myself am not really sure what to make of this statement.  I guess I agree to an extent.  Yeah two people in life with the exact same likes/dislikes could lead to fewer disagreements but where is the variety.  What’s the fun if the two of you always want to do the same things.  You’ll never end up trying much new and life would be pretty boring right?  So in that regard I think opposite people being attracted to each other is a good thing because it adds variety.  The question is at what point is there too much difference between two people for it to ever work out.  Again this is simply part of life and their is no definite answer just some middle gray area where everything seems to balance out correctly.   So I guess I believe the following, “Opposites attract, to an extent.”

Part the Last
All through life we are told that one person can make a difference.  The difference between one candidate and another has been determined by one vote.  Individual people have accomplished many things in life all by themselves.  Again I will use the word extent here, but I’ve come to realize that one person in some cases really can’t do jack to affect the situation.  No matter how hard you push your case no matter how much you believe in that cause there are some situations that you will just get no where.  I’m not really sure why this is.  Maybe I’m just going about it all wrong or maybe society as a whole is just unwilling/slow to change.  I guess that’s really my biggest concern through all of this.  If I give in and just go with the flow, I’m doing just that , I’m giving in and conforming to society.  I am not staying true to myself.  How can I stay true to who I am?

Well, that’s really all for now.  I really don’t know what to make of all that myself but it must mean something.  Take it as you will.  Night.

John

“Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain

Take me as I am
I’m not broken
Pieces of my life are not tokens
I want to let you know that I’m still learning
How to love again and stop hurting

It makes me whole again”

Neat!  I did better than Karen!

—————————————————————————————

The Dante’s Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

————————————————————————————————————-

In other news.  No big updates today.  This weekend has been rather uneventful because it’s labor day weekend.
90% of my floor or so is gone.  Just chilling, relaxing, cleaning a little, maybe some homework eventually.  As for now
I’m currently on duty for Smith/Jeff so I will be hanging out in Watterson till 8am tomorrow.  That’s all for now.

John