Ok, so I’m waiting for the Neil to come get me and then I’m off.  I figured I’d say the following while sitting around on my ass!

1.)   Today in literary narrative we went over the quiz we took last week.  There was a bonus question and it asked who would win if the following people were in a battle.  Well the 3 people either weren’t in stories we had to read or were in other stories we didn’t have to read.  So we asked him what the real answer was and he wrote on the board, “This is a bullshit question!”  Too funny!

2.)   Will someone please tell me what’s going on lately cause I have NO clue!

John

            ▼▼▼ As Always! ▼▼▼

right now i really feel as if i’ve been used. i’m not really sure what to do about that at the moment. trying not to do anything rash but i know no matter what i do there will be a few pissed off people that think i am making a rash decision. as one of my residents put it earlier i guess i just need to fire off a warning shot. just a small little signal to let certain people know that im done messing around and will not take this anymore.  friends don’t do this to other friends. wait. let me rephrase this. friends don’t do this to other friends and then flaunt it, abuse it, or unnecessarily put them in a bad situation. this is exactly what has been done and it pisses me off. most know me as an easy going guy but when i’m not happy it’s quite obvious. i just don’t get it. why would you do that. did you want to test your luck. did you want to see how far you could get. did you really care about my thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities. did you care at all. right now im thinking you really didn’t. you put yourself first. i don’t ask to be put first or even second or put anywhere in particular 100% of the time but you clearly put yourself way above me this time. i hope you’re happy. i feel like shit.  i feel like i’ve been stepped on and walked over. i feel i don’t deserve this. i question your friendship. i question your intentions. i question myself. i don’t know. john

love    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (lv)
n.

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3. 1. Sexual passion.
   2. Sexual intercourse.
   3. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one’s affection: Send him my love.
7. 1. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
   2. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity. Charity.
10. Sports. A zero score in tennis.

e·mo·tion    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (-mshn)
n.

1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.

Love and emotion  as defined by The American Heritage Dictionary.  A word that often tricks you into thinking there’s a concise definition, love is often a word that many people have problems defining.  Although with experience I believe it is possible for us to better define love,  it’s also possible for us to realize that love is not at all like we had once thought.  You can never fully know what love is and there will never be one single global definition. 

This, of course, is where it gets tricky.  Love to me is not simply sexual passion,  intercourse, or some affair.  Love is more than just physical attraction.  Although this example only uses “a pet or treasured objects,” as things that we can show intense emotional attachment to, I feel as if this best describes love between two human beings.  Intense emotional attachment, using the definition of emotion, then means an intense, spontaneous mental state which is accompanied by physiological changes brought upon by no concsious effort.  Not the emotions you have when you’re in bed with someone but that feeling you get when you see someone for the first time, the feeling you continue to get every time after that you see them.  It’s that connection that I feel truly indicates love.  You may have noticed that I ran right around the definition of love and said that this was merely an indicator.  Love, like life, isn’t quite that easy.  There is far more to it and, most likely, more than any one person will ever know.

So now the question comes to mind: Why did you just spend 40 minutes talking about love at 3am on a Thursday night?  Well, there are a few reasons but the main reason would have to be the work of a one Mr. Miller.  Over on his Xanga (”Words of the Mongoose”) he took some time earlier tonight to do much the same thing; ponder love and it’s meaning.  After reading his thoughts I figured it would be fun and educational to myself to ponder the idea some more and even add my $.02 where necessary.  Below is his statement “defining” love:

    Love is difficult to define.  Love is a recipe that includes:  two individuals, sincerity, trust, commitment, admiration, desire, respect, communication, patience, growth, and a healthy pinch of jealousy and lust to taste.  Its many parts can, with time, evolve to run like a well-oiled machine or cease to generate an ounce of energy.

From this it is clear to see why love cannot easily be defined and never will be.  Dictionaries are only so big.  Even if you had the entire thing to layout a global definition of love I’m pretty sure you’d run out of room.  Just as the dictionary can sum up the definition of a cookie it can never fully present every single recipe for cookies.  Ok, so it may not have been the best analogy but that’s really just the way it crumbles.  To put it in my own terms, love really is just a recipe.  Just as there are infinite many ways to make an edible cookie there are infinite many ways to, for lack of a better phrase, make love.  This means of course that there are, quite obviously, ingredients that should never be used in making each.  It doesn’t take much time to realize that using tobasco sauce in a cookie recipe will ruin that cookie for 99% of it’s consumers.  It should be just as obvious, sadly for some it’s not, that cheating, any sort of abuse, and lack of respect will again ruin love for that same 99% of people. 

I’m sure I could keep going with the analogies and some sort of personal working definition of love, but for now I will retire.  I’ll let myself ponder through the night and may or may not come back for Pt. 2.

John

I don’t want another pretty face
I don’t want just anyone to hold
I don’t want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
…
I want you and your beautiful soul
I know that you are something special
To you I’d be always faithful

Oh the conversations you have with people.  Gotta love ‘em!

me: then you either have the blunt approach or the nudge approach, lol
neil: lol
neil: what are the pros and cons good sir
me: blunt….quick and to the point, no question as to intent…..takes balls, lol
me: nudge….takes a little longer and still kind of hard to interpret….pansy way, lol
me: im just kidding about the pansy comment
neil: lol thanks
me: lily and i definetely took the pansy approach!
neil: nice haha

More later, tis all for now!

John

For those of you that were even wondering the slightest about my reference to John Steinbeck last night, here you go.

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it. ”

–John Steinbeck

So true!

John

It’s always fun, well not always, sometimes it really sucks, to wonder “What if?”   I think it would be fun to sit down and think what if for a while.  Here it is your first volume of…

What if…

…I hadn’t applied to be an RA?

    1.    I would have lived on Atkin 2 with the Bill Gugerty. 

    2.    I would have ended up draining my bank account to live there. 

    3.    I would have not gotten Lappy. 

    4.    I wouldn’t have been able to do all the fun stuff I did over the summer.  Visit the Jilly, Visit the Neil and Jake, Cancun Activities, etc.

    5.    I wouldn’t have ever met all the cool people on the Smith/Jeff staff, or many of the other 151 RA’s on campus. 

    6.    I wouldn’t get to have the title of Watterson North Senior RCC.

    7.    I wouldn’t have ever been able to say, “I have the coolest 46 residents in Watterson Towers.”  They do of course have their moments!

    8.    I would have NEVER experienced Watterson move in.  It was fun watching all the suckers move in after me though!

    9.    I never would have been able to see the ResNet closets, the basement, or the roof. 

    10.  I would have never lived in Watterson Towers PERIOD.

    11.  I probably would never have met the Lily! 

So what have we learned here?  The benefits of being an RA FAR outweigh the things that had to be changed in order to make this possible.  I’m sure theres more that never would have happened or happened had I not applied but i think this list sums up the important stuff!  Be on the lookout for Volume 2!

John

You don’t know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room

Neil is the man!

“Staying up til 4:30 to listen to a friend is worth more than the sleep you missed out on anytime.”

“Stay away from the dangerous cocktail (for you Chardo)”

Thanks again!

John

    So there have been times where I’ll be writing something in here and after a while I just don’t want to finish or my thought process changes mid-way through.  Well, instead of deleting those and never letting those see the light of day I decided I would post them.  Sadly for now they will be locked out to everyone except me!  It’s weird though having locked entries.  I never did it before and I guess I’ll have to see how well I’m able to do this now. 

    That’s really all for now.  I’m off to bed to ponder, dream, and just process the day while I rest.

John